New Year….New You?

Arkaios, new beginnings. Out with the old, in with the new. Rebirth. Reinvention. Renovation.

New Year’s Day, a day celebrated around the world as a day of hope, a fresh start. The old has passed away, the new has come. It’s a celebration of renewed motivation, where the world encourages every individual to do better, to be better. A look to the future, not with bleak lenses, but with anticipation. This is the year, the year it will all change.

But how?

Has the old really passed with the dawn of the year? Do we really get a fresh start, or is it just another day with our same old selves, our same old patterns, just renewed energy?

I love New Year’s Day. It is a day that forces contemplation and introspection. A real look at the year behind us, its remembrance sweet, bittersweet, or sometimes if we are honest, just bitter. Did our dreams come to pass? What memories were made? What are we proud of? What are we ashamed of?

The new year brings hope because on this one day, the world seems to remember….things can change. We can change.

My remembrance of year 2023 was bittersweet, heavier on the bitter.

I had a tough year. Not by any circumstances. In fact, my circumstances have been a dream. I finally got to lower my hours at work and stay home with my family 6 days a week. I have an amazing husband, an involved and selfless family, 2 wonderful boys, a church that strives after God…..

I struggled despite knowing my blessings….which made me feel all the worse for it.

This year, I have been consistently overwhelmed, anxious, grumpy…and I hate to say it, easily enraged. (As someone who has never struggled with anger, this one caught me off guard). I was “doing” everything that I could to be better. “Love is patient, love is kind”, so I would strive to be more patient, and be more kind. “Love is not self-serving” so I would deny myself and do everything for others.

It didn’t work. My kindness would turn into my husband telling me to take a walk because he could hear the anger taking control as I talked to my kids. “Love is not self-serving” so I would just isolate myself so that I wouldn’t have to serve others instead.

Then, my husband and I began reading “The Renovation of the Heart” by Dallas Willard. I broke. It was my heart. How had I forgotten my heart?

“As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.” – Proverbs 27:19 (NIV)

I was trying to change my heart by my actions, instead of asking the Lord to help to change my heart! The funny thing is…I have been teaching my son about this very thing all year! Every time he is anxious, or mad, or doesn’t want to share, I sit down with him and we ask the Holy Spirit to help him with these hard emotions and actions. I tell him that he doesn’t have the ability to do it on his own.

One does not love more by striving to be more patient, one is more patient because God grants us love for others from His never-empty well of love (paraphrased from “Renovation of the Heart”). We drink from normal water, but He offers us living water from which we will never thirst again (John 4:13-14).

My emotions had me blinded and I forgot about God’s grace and every-ready help.

We hope in New Year’s Day because of the promise of a fresh start, out with the old and in with the new. Jesus promises an eternal fresh start, a true new start, with hope not in ourselves, but in Him.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” – 2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)

This will be a better year for me, the renovation of my heart has already begun. How about for you?